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Loss of Sexual Desire, Anxiety and Self Esteem 


How is self-esteem associated with a loss of sexual desire? 

Loss of sexual desire or inhibited sexual desire in the parlance of sex experts is one of the major sex problems most frequently described by aging men and women.  It is believed that aphrodisiacs and/or drugs cannot "cure" this problem. While some of the current belief is that loss of sexual desire in middle-age is related to reduced levels of testosterone in man and estrogen in women, that may not be the entire story.  It is now believed that loss of sexual desire may also have some association with low self-esteem. 


One of the first things a couple or individual may do when they notice a loss of sexual desire is to gauge how they are feeling about themselves both physically and mentally.  Are there aspects of their life that they need to consider that may be causing stress and difficulty relaxing which may inhibit good sex?  Obviously, if that is the case, these issues need to be addressed. 

One of the next things that may need to be considered according to sex therapists is to work on the musculature of your body, which will significantly improve your physicality as well as your self-esteem.  The stronger your body is the better you will feel about it. 

Another thing to help with loss of sexual desire is to keep a sexual desire diary.  For a period of a week or so, you should write down everything that contributes toward stimulating an interest or desire for sex and rate it from 1 to 10 in terms of its power.  You should note any fleeting images from newspapers, televisions and everything else that comes into your awareness. You may even share your diary with your partner if you feel adventurous.  This may even be a great way for couples to communicate about some of their deepest desires without saying them out loud. 

Loss of sexual desire and anxiety: 

Performances occur on stage and in arenas, but should not be the focus of your activities in the bedroom. Performance anxiety is a well-known phenomenon associated with loss of sexual desire.  Even though erections do take longer as men get into their 40ís and 50ís (and take longer to reappear between sexual acts) then when they're in their 20ís and 30ís it is not something to fear.  Just knowing the physiological facts should make a big difference. 

Obviously, some of the new medications such as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis have helped to come a long way in relieving performance anxiety in aging males. This relief also significantly affected men's mental state which formerly resulted in a loss of sexual desire. A previagra sex therapy trick that seems to ease performance anxiety in midlife is to shift to what Oakland's sexologist Bernie Zilbergeld Ph.D refers to as "pleasuring the soft penis."  The goal for the man and his partner is to not focus on an erection but on receiving pleasure even while the penis is soft.  He doesn't have to feel as if he needs to perform, as his partner massages his genitals in a relaxed, warm state.  Also, when it is thought of as more of an exercise, it is perceived in a much less threatening way.  Often, just a few sessions will be surprisingly effective in restoring performance and reducing other feelings and thoughts that lead toward loss of sexual desire. 

Some information from Uncommon Cures for Everyday Ailments from the Editors of Bottom-Line/Health

By Paul Susic MA Licensed Psychologist  Ph.D Candidate 

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